I had not planned on retiring, but I kept feeling a nudge that God might be calling me to something else. I went away for a week by myself to the Hill Country to be still and listen.  During that time I made a “collage” journal which you see in the left half of the attached photo.  I was not purposely trying to make anything specific, just cutting out images that somehow appealed to me and putting them together according to color, shape, design.  Then I would stand back and observe what I saw in the pieces coming together.

After my week of silence…walking, listening to nature, writing in my journal, praying, deeply wanting  to hear God’s voice… I finally heard in my heart the whisper, “I want to use more of your creative gifts.”  And the image I received in my mind was a bird let out of a cage.  I didn’t know exactly what that meant, or where it would lead me, but of course I wanted to know IMMEDIATELY!

Three months later I was in a small town with my high school girlfriends.  We were in a huge, multi-level antique/craft mall with individual booths. At one point I wandered off by myself.  In a certain booth, far away from my friends, I discovered a stack of journals.  I flipped through and found the one you see on the right half of the attached photo.  I was struck by the likeness of the bird to my own journal as I read the quote on the cover.  “The day she discovers her wings, she knows there’ll be no stopping her.”  I like going full speed ahead!  The quote clearly related to the image of a bird let out of a cage.  I wanted to purchase this journal.  I felt it was mine!  But then I looked at the back cover, at the bottom, where there was a continuation of the quote in the same handwriting….”It is here where she must begin to tell her story.”  YIKES!!  I put the journal back instantly and walked away.  I heard my name called over the loud speaker.  My friends thought I was lost!

On the way out of the mall, Suzi pulled a journal out of her bag.  “Here, I bought this for you!  It seemed to have your name on it”,  she said as she handed me the journal.  Oh my gosh!  It was the same journal!  I received it.  It was a gift.  I knew God had spoken in that moment!  “It is here where she must begin to tell her story.”

I want to close with this quote I wrote in a journal 10 years ago. I knew exactly which journal and where on the page I had written it.  (Apparently it was a “moment”).  The quote is from the book  “The Good Women of China” by Xinran.  Old Chang says to her, “Xinran, you should write this down….If you don’t write these stories down, your heart will be filled up and broken by them.”  As writing a book became possible for her she said, ” It was as if a pen had grown in my heart.”

nk

I spent today beside a woman whose home had been flooded.  She is 89 years old and in a wheelchair….well, a makeshift one.  It was a kitchen table chair that had been adapted by putting rolling casters on each of the four legs.  She scooted around with her feet, but it wasn’t easy.  During the heavy rains she was by herself in her home at night.  As the water rose to over 27 inches inside her home, her small dog drowned.  She was in bed and could not get to him.  He had been her companion for 17 years.

Now in the midst of her grief, with piles of stuff all around her, moment by moment decisions became increasingly difficult.  As others were cleaning up, I knew that the best help I could be was to sit beside her.  We went through wet photo albums as she tried to decide which photos to keep.  I was surprised at how many photos she chose to let go of, and how few photos she chose to save.  “They say I can’t keep so much stuff”, she said, “and besides, I have these pictures in my mind”.

Tonight I am reflecting on our day together.  What moment stands out for me about today?  I am actually a little surprised at which moment surfaces.  There was a photo she immediately knew she wanted to save.  It was a beautiful panoramic view out the window of the home she and her husband shared in New Zealand.  Out of the very few photos she chose to save, why this one?  What does she associate with that view?  Did they make love there?  Did they have deep conversations there?  Did they enjoy a peaceful presence?  A hopeful horizon?  Did the view bring the perspective of a bigger picture?

I began to realize the places and moments in my own life that are identified by the “view”.  The view has become the treasure that is holding the moment.  I see the clear West Texas night sky with lots of stars outside my childhood bedroom window.  I see a full moon and mountains in a huge Montana sky.  I see the view of the lake where I grew up waterskiing.  I see the view of a glorious sunrise outside the big window in my current home.

Is there a picture you would choose to save?  I join my friend….for me it would be the view!

nk