This particular leg of our journey led us to Colter Bay, Wyoming in the heart of the Grand Tetons.  As we rounded each bend in the road, the mountain range became more majestic and the anticipation accelerated.

We decided to enter the adventure of staying in a Tent Cabin.  A Tent Cabin?  What the heck is that?  Can a structure be both a tent and a cabin?  Well, yes!  Here it is…

My fears had been my getting cold and trekking across the terrain to find a bathroom in the middle of the night.  I settled into my sleeping bag atop a unique vinyl covered cot which hung from the wall by chains.  I wore five layers of clothes to keep warm in 38 degrees, which was a good thing at first.  Scooting into the long narrow sleeping bag was a bit tricky.  The small wood burning stove had a large flue that was supposed to take smoke out of the room.  I was personally happy that the fire went out quickly as the smoke seemed to find its way through my tightly closed eyelids.

I went to sleep snuggled like a bug in a rug.  It was just a couple of hours later that I awakened to realize my greatest challenge in this adventure was not at all what I had anticipated.  It was the sleeping bag!  My 5’11” frame complete with long arms and legs is just not cut out for a sleeping bag.  Evidently I like to twist and turn a bit in my sleep.  After unzipping  a jacket, fleece, and vest in an attempt to gain some space, I was still swathed in the sleeping bag.  I was hot, but I could barely move.  Now I felt trapped.  I managed to take each of my three layers of socks off with the toes of my other foot.  I flung my gloves across the room.  I was in a wrestling match!  The sleeping bag became an awakening bag.

As the long hours of the night slowly ticked away, there were three images which came to my mind.  I pondered each one in an attempt to listen to what God might be saying to me.  After all, I was in the wilderness!  It’s a place where God often comes to speak.  At this point I was wrapped up in a listening mode, like it or not.

The first image was a papoose.  While in Santa Fe, New Mexico, I had seen beautiful hand made cradles for babies which were strapped to a mother’s back.  They were truly a work of artistic intricacy including tiny hand sewn glass beads. As I pondered the papoose, the words came, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10).  With an emphasis on “Be still” I felt God was saying, “Relax.  Just let me hold you awhile.”

The next image was a cocoon.  In God’s perfect plan, God has made everything beautiful in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11).  The timing of the preparatory confinement of the cocoon allows for the fulfillment of a beautiful butterfly.  Any interruption of this incubation will harm the butterfly.  Patience is the word inside the cocoon.  Await the awakening!  So, Lord, are you preparing me for something as I lie prostrate in this cocoon?  

Finally I heard the words of Jesus, “Lazarus, come out!”.  His friend had died and Jesus was calling him to life again.  He then invited others gathered around saying, “Unbind him and let him go.” (John 11:43-44).  They joyfully removed his grave clothes. What freedom Lazarus must have felt!  I imagined it.  I felt it while lying in the sleeping bag.

What are you saying to me Lord in this sleeping bag or non-sleeping bag experience?  The images remain a wonder.  They seem to stay with me as the memory of the long night in the wilderness becomes a gift.

nk

Pondering…

Are there any sleeping bag memories for you?

Has God spoken in the stillness of the night?

I awaken and quickly open the blinds to the eastern sky.  Something about the approaching sunrise calls me to bundle up and step out into the cool morning air to await the drama of God’s paintbrush. I take my seat snuggled in my Montana blanket with a big elk on it.  I love being wrapped up in Montana!

As sunrise begins its glorious performance, soft pastel colors appear…pale lavender pink, shades of cerulean to cobalt blue, white cottony ribbons of clouds strung across the expanse of sky. The dew on the grass gives a hint of snow. Flashes of pictures fly through my mind. It seems beautiful moments of nature always recall previous others.  I think I hear a Redbird close.  A long necked crane is silhouetted in the sky.  It’s long flappy wings gracefully dance a ballet in flight.  Puffs of misty air rise here and there over the gentle mounds of the terrain, suggesting campfires of civilization somewhere across space and time.  I wish someone were here to experience this with me, someone who would enjoy it as much as I do, playing with the words descriptive of the moments.


The bright yellow sun now begins to peep its head above the trees spanning the horizon.  A fiery gilded gold, it becomes bigger and brighter by the second.  More birds are singing now.  The sun becomes brilliantly blinding.  Millions of tiny droplets of wetness glisten on the grass like a bouquet of baby’s breath.  Bold bright colors overtake the gentle pastels.  A morning dove is tiptoeing through the wet grass.  It is gray, yet there is an aura of blue that deepens as its wings take flight. Small birds have an extra skip in their step as they bounce across the air toward the feeder.  A large blue jay sits atop the feeder, proclaiming his authority, then does a dramatic somersault to the ground and darts away quickly.  

I can’t look directly at the sun now…its radiance is too bright for my eyes.  I feel it penetrating my body.  My big white fluffy robe is lit with a new whiteness as if it had just been bleached.  The birds gather to sing a chorus around me.  The warmth upon my face stirs within me a biblical blessing…

“The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift his countenance upon you and give you peace.”  (Numbers 6: 24-26)  Yes!  That is exactly what this feels like!  Good morning my Lord.  Good morning!

I open my phone to read a quote someone posted…”It is Holy Saturday when we hold space between death and resurrection.”  And another…”The body of Jesus rests in the tomb.”  The white roses on my kitchen counter beckon my attention.  I take this photo…



The body of Jesus rests in the tomb.

Ah, it is Holy Saturday. In the beauty of captured stillness all creation awaits resurrection….

nk

Once a person realizes that surgery is needed, the wheels start turning in preparation for the Gurney Journey.  Different images, feelings, and expectations come to mind….mystery, adventure, captivity, surrender, vulnerability, fear, anxiety, curiosity, hope, and more.  My own preparation in facing the unknown always includes a bit of “rabbit trails”.  I imagine a few different scenarios of what could happen and then travel down each road awhile to prepare myself.  I find a way to deal with whatever might occur.  This works well when one’s ultimate trust remains in God.  One of my favorite sculptures is called “Compassion’s Touch” by Eugene Kamrath Mygdal.

God is present, bringing a touch of healing.  Recently I was at Methodist Hospital and again encountered this sculpture.  After passing by, I stopped and quickly retraced my steps.  This time I chose to place my own hand within the clasp. I wanted to be a part of it more intimately…

Comfort came in the realization that I was always the recipient of the touch.  Yet in every circumstance, I could also be the giver of compassion’s touch.  With that attitude and affirmation, I was now truly ready for the Gurney Journey.

TRAVEL LIGHT…You will not need much baggage for the Gurney Journey. You will be given all you need.  The gown placed upon you is an interesting surprise.  It is a fairly new contraption called “Bair Paws”.  It typically opens in the back but has a vacuum cleaner type hose attached.  This serves as your own personal heating/cooling system.  You may dial the temperature you desire at any given moment.  Be prepared then as the sudden gust of air enters the gown and blows it up like the vacuum bag.  Picture Pillsbury Dough Boy.  

THE TEAM…Persons will now begin to pop in and out of your room.  Each one has a specific task related to your Gurney Journey.  They come and go, but when the wheels finally begin to turn on your gurney and you exit the room, you realize they are all waiting for you just outside your door, ready to go with you.  They are each wearing the same shower cap you are wearing.  They are your team!  Immediately they all jumped on board surrounding my gurney, and I remember raising my arm high in the air and shouting, “I have the best team!”  Their reply as we turned the corner, leaving Bill in the dust, was this, “We’ll take good care of her!”

Now you are off to the party.  There is no worry about passing out.  By now you have probably already done that.  Yes, total surrender.  You will definitely be the only one at the party who sleeps through the whole thing.

RECOVERY..If you have previously been the cook at your house, someone else will need to do this for awhile.  If they are not experienced, here are a few tips:

–  It takes a long time for the smell of burned brussel sprouts to leave the house. Even the best scented candle will not work.

– Be grateful no matter what.  Whoever is cooking is in control.  

– Gas X comes in Extra Strength.

– A notable quote last night from Chef Bill…with a new skip in his step he set the tray before me.  Turning away, he glanced back over his shoulder and with a twinkle in his eye, he proclaimed, “I’ve discovered that if you wait a little longer to serve the meal, it will taste even better!”

HOME AGAIN… On my first morning back home from the Gurney Journey, I awakened to this view out my window…

Ah…so beautiful !!  God has spoken!  Life is a GIFT and I have more to give.  I have been given a new lease on life!  Thanks God!

nk

“O little town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie.  Above thy deep and dreamless sleep, the silent stars go by.  Yet, in thy dark street shineth the Everlasting Light.  The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.”

It is in a little town, in the stillness of a moment, in a simple stable that God comes to be with us.  I love this tiny nativity from Santa Fe, New Mexico.  It seems to express the magnitude of our Great God Almighty coming to earth as a tiny baby in a most unexpected small place



Last week early one morning I was sitting in the Houston airport eating my breakfast.  In the midst of a lonely, sleepy, fairly deserted little side cafe, I felt a sudden flutter of wings brush by me.  “What in the world was that?”, I thought to myself.  I looked down and behold, a small bird had just landed at my feet!  “Where did you come from?”  There were no open windows.  I did not see the bird flying around….it just appeared.  In one split second the bird hopped up to the chair beside me and was present while I ate my breakfast.  Then just as quickly as it came, it disappeared.  Mystery!  All I know is I felt God’s presence.  “Be still and know”.

May you be blessed, my friend, by this beautiful prayer as we continue our Advent journey together…

“Neither I nor the poets I love found the keys to the kingdom of prayer, and we cannot force God to stumble over us where we sit.  But I know that it’s a good idea to sit anyway.  So every morning I sit, I kneel, waiting, making friends with the habit of listening, hoping that I’m being listened to.  There, I greet God in my own disorder.  I say hello to my chaos, my unmade decisions, my unmade bed, my desire and my trouble. 

 I say hello to distraction and privilege.  I greet the day and I greet my beloved and bewildering Jesus.  I recognize and greet my burdens, my luck, my controlled and uncontrollable story.  I greet my untold stories, my unfolding story, my unloved body, my own love, my own body.  I greet the things I think will happen and I say hello to everything I do not know about the day.  I greet my own small world and I hope that I can meet the bigger world that day.  I greet my story and hope that I can forget my story during the day, and hope that I can hear some stories, and greet some surprising stories during the long day ahead.  I greet God, and I greet the God who is more God than the God I greet.

Hello to you all, I say, as the sun rises above the chimneys of North Belfast.

Hello.”

-Padraig O Tuama

nk

Pondering…

Watch for the small moments of God’s presence.



The most dramatic moment of the Christmas Carol “O Holy Night” is the phrase “Fall on your knees”!  The music suddenly becomes very loud, fortissimo!  The emphasis is on “FALL”.  There is no gentle slipping down to the kneeling bench.  There is a sudden full out, fall on your face, overcome with awe at being in the holy presence of God.  This is the moment of truth when we absolutely know that God is God and we are not.  We are part of fallen humanity in need of a Savior.  In this moment we know that the baby is our gift of life eternal.  We were lost and we have just been found, rescued!   It just feels so good to fall on our knees, to fully give ourselves in this way.  The following photo was taken by my friend Ellen of a nativity in Nazereth.



Another lesser known Christmas Carol is “Nino Lindo”. It is a traditional Venezuelan Christmas song translated by George Lockwood, 1987.

“Child so lovely, you are Christ my God…All my life, my darling, and my soul as well; this is what I offer, offer joyously, falling at your feet.”

Here the gift of ourselves is offered in full surrender of our lives, our souls.  This Advent season I saw the opera “Amahl and the Night Visitors”.  The boy, Amahl, is crippled and walks with a crutch.  The wise men stop by the humble abode of Amahl and his mother as they are on their way to the manger in Bethlehem.  Upon hearing about the new baby Jesus, the new king who brings new life, Amahl wants to send a gift to the baby.  The only thing he has to offer is his crutch.  As he lifts it up, he passionately offers the essence of his life support.  In this very moment he begins to fall to his knees and is suddenly healed.  His leg catches his fall, and Amahl bursts forth with new life, dancing about.  A miracle!

nk

Pondering…

Let us recall a special holy moment of kneeling before God.  Write about it if you wish.

Have you ever surrendered something to God, falling on your knees?

The Christmas Carol “What Child Is This?” is a 16th century English melody with words written by William C. Dix in 1985.  Here is a portion of the song…

“What child is this who, laid to rest, on Mary’s lap is sleeping? Why lies he in such mean estate where ox and ass are feeding?  Good Christians  fear , for sinners here the silent Word is pleading.  This, this is Christ the King.”

Such a beautiful expression of God’s grace is present in the phrase “for sinners the silent Word is pleading”.  God loved the world so much that He sent His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.  He sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world though Him might be saved.  (John 3:16-17)

This statue stands in a courtyard in Sorrento on the Amalfi Coast of Southern Italy.  I can’t begin to tell you how beautiful is this place! 

Mary is holding baby Jesus.  Yet, this is not a typical pose of Madonna and Child in quiet serenity.  Notice the intensity of feeling expressed.  There is a fierce love present between these two.  Mary is holding the Christ Child ever so tightly, with every sinew in her body feeling the passion of this embrace.  The baby, who is not yet old enough to talk, is the full expression of the Word made flesh.  God has come to dwell among us.  And in His eyes, His hands, I see the phrase,”for sinners here the silent Word is pleading”.  This. Child. Pleading.

nk

Pondering…

Have you ever felt the grace of God pleading for your salvation?

This past week I attended the annual pastor’s Christmas party for our district.  It is always good to see old friends again and meet some new ones.  We lit Advent candles of Peace, Hope, Joy, and Love.  Persons were invited to share a story if they felt led, about an experience of one of these.  The candle of “Peace” was lit and my heart leaped up to the microphone before my mind could argue about whether or not I should be telling a story in the midst of all these other great pastors!  I probably would have talked myself out of it.  The words came spilling out as I remembered in my mind’s eye…

It was just before Christmas.  I received a phone call from Jane’s family, “Could you possibly visit Jane in the nursing home?  The nurses say she is extremely agitated and they cannot seem to comfort her.”  Jane had Alzheimers and did not appear to recognize anyone anymore.

I arrived at the nursing home to witness an array of jingle bells and Santa hats.  Carolers were singing in the main dining area as residents were gathered around in their wheelchairs.  A happy noise filled the place, until I walked into Jane’s room.  There was a troubling disturbance present as Jane’s body and mind wrestled about on the bed.  Although she did not appear to be aware of my visit, when I asked if she would like Holy Communion, she nodded, “Yes”.  

I said a simple prayer, “Lord be with us”, and carefully placed a tiny crumb of the broken bread upon her lips.  “Jesus loves you Jane”, I whispered softly close to her ear.  In that holy moment, that holy meal of transformation brought the reality of the gift of the Christ Child.  A wonderful peace came over Jane’s body.  Indeed, Peace arrived all around the room in a breathtaking stillness.

Then Jane began to speak, in a quiet continual flow, these words…”Loves me….loves me……loves me……..loves me……..” I kissed her on the forehead and left with the echo of those words in my ears, and in my heart.

“Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright round yon virgin mother and child.  Holy infant, so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace.” (Words by Joseph Mohr, 1918)

nk

Pondering…

When have you experienced the peace of God?

May there be for you my friend, a holy moment of PEACE this Christmas.

In the Christmas Carol “Little Drummer Boy” a young lad wants to bring his best gift for baby Jesus, but feels he has nothing to bring because he is poor.  Then it dawns on him that he could play his drums for the Christ Child as his gift.  (Words and music to this song were written by Katherine K. Davis, Henry Onorati, and Harry Simeone, 1958). There is a lot of repetition in the “rum pa pums”,  but they give the effect of the boy playing.

“Our finest gift we bring, pa rum pa pum pum, to lay before the King, pa rum pa pum pum….I played my drum for Him, pa rum pa pum pum.  I played my best for Him, pa rum pa pum pum.  Then He smiled at me, pa rum pa pum pum, me and my drum.

(My version)…I played my drum for Him, pa rum pa pum pum”.  Then He looked up at me and said,”Let’s try something else!”

The key is that we would each use our own best gifts to glorify God.  What is it that God has created in me, in you, that God wants to use to meet the needs of the world?  We become the vessels for the work of God’s Spirit. It is then that we truly are the best we can be!

I saw this prayer on the wall of my doctor’s office. It beautifully expresses the passion of someone who is living out the calling of their best gifts to be used by God.

nk

Pondering…

What do you think are your best gifts?

How could you give something of yourself this Christmas?

The star plays an important role in the Advent journey.  It’s sudden appearance and brilliant display of luminous energy awakened the wise men to the birth of the Messiah.  It was the light for which they had long been waiting and watching.  The star held within its presence a deep knowing of an eternal truth.  The revelation was so strong that it compelled the wise men to follow as the star led them to the King of kings. The Christmas Carol, “There’s a Song in the Air” speaks about the star. (Words, Josiah G. Holland, 1874):

“There’s a song in the air!  There’s a star in the sky!  There’s a mother’s deep prayer and a baby’s low cry!  And the star rains its fire while the beautiful sing, for the manger of Bethlehem cradles a King!  The first line of the next stanza captured my attention…“In the light of that star lie the ages impearled”.  

I am thinking of the mystery and wonder of the galaxies.  The stars are visible to us, yet they are light years away!  They contain eternal light.  God set the stars in the expanse of the heavens at the beginning of creation. (Genesis 1:16-17).  I love the thought that the ages of time are impearled within the star.  How wondrously beautiful is that image. It makes me want to find a spot out in the country where the sky is clear, lay down on the ground wrapped in a warm blanket, and bask in the wonder of the stars in the heavens, the story they have to tell.

How in the world is our limited vision connected to such eternal light?  When I had surgery to remove cataracts, the lens of my eye was softened and broken into small pieces.  This was precisely performed by a laser.  A suction cup was placed on my eye and a machine did the work. As I laid there with my eye numbed and held securely wide open, here is what I saw…



This is actually a photo of fireworks in the sky on July 4, yet it portrays what I was seeing in that moment. I simply could not believe that through the same eye experiencing the surgery, I was watching the colorful light show!  This was way beyond my comprehension.  There seemed to be an eternal light which was present both inside and outside my body at the same time.  They came to meet in this healing moment upon the tiny lens of my eye!

I wonder how the eternal light of the star was experienced by the wise men?  What was it like to follow it over hill and valley all the way to Bethlehem?  What about when it finally cast its brilliant beam upon the face of God, the tiny child?  The ages were impearled.  Oh my, I can only imagine the glory!

nk

Pondering…

Remember a time when the stars were especially brilliant and beautiful.  Where were you?

Find a time to enjoy the stars.  Reflect upon their eternal light.

Angels are always present along the Advent journey!  And they have very important messages to bring as they come winging their way from heaven to earth.  An angel let Mary know that the Son of God would be born as a child through her body!  An angel told Joseph that he would be the one to name the baby “Jesus” which means savior!  A whole host of angels sang their way into the hearts of shepherds out in the fields, letting them know that they would be the ones to see the face of God….so, get up and run to Bethlehem!  

Our Christmas Carol today is “Angels from the Realms of Glory”:

“Angels from the realms of glory, wing your flight o’er all the earth;  ye who sang creation’s story now proclaim Messiah’s birth:  come and worship Christ the newborn King.”  (Words, James Montgomery, 1816).

The phrase that keeps echoing for me is “wing your flight o’er all the earth”.  Angels are everywhere!  



Behold, one night while eating at a sushi bar, my plate suddenly arrived with an angel upon it.  And she was all lit up, glowing in the dark.  I suppose she could have said something like, “Fear not….try these…they’re really good!”  But the message I heard was this…”Pay attention!  Angels can show up any place, any time, to any person, and often in the most unexpected ways. They are quite busy “winging their way o’er all the earth”.

One very early morning recently I was lying on a stretcher waiting, anticipating a somewhat minor surgical procedure.  Stretchers just tend to make you feel anxious.  Suddenly, in the dim light, George appeared by my side.  His dark skin, his dark eyes, led me to believe he could have been from the Middle East.  He had a very gentle presence about him.  He carefully explained everything to me, bringing an unusual comfort and assurance.  Then he took my hand and said,”Don’t be afraid.”  I smiled.  (This is very typical angel language!).  It seemed that George was my angel.

I love this poem by Mary Oliver from her book entitled “Devotions”:



nk

Pondering…

When was the last time you felt the presence of an angel?  Have you seen one?