I had not planned on retiring, but I kept feeling a nudge that God might be calling me to something else. I went away for a week by myself to the Hill Country to be still and listen.  During that time I made a “collage” journal which you see in the left half of the attached photo.  I was not purposely trying to make anything specific, just cutting out images that somehow appealed to me and putting them together according to color, shape, design.  Then I would stand back and observe what I saw in the pieces coming together.

After my week of silence…walking, listening to nature, writing in my journal, praying, deeply wanting  to hear God’s voice… I finally heard in my heart the whisper, “I want to use more of your creative gifts.”  And the image I received in my mind was a bird let out of a cage.  I didn’t know exactly what that meant, or where it would lead me, but of course I wanted to know IMMEDIATELY!

Three months later I was in a small town with my high school girlfriends.  We were in a huge, multi-level antique/craft mall with individual booths. At one point I wandered off by myself.  In a certain booth, far away from my friends, I discovered a stack of journals.  I flipped through and found the one you see on the right half of the attached photo.  I was struck by the likeness of the bird to my own journal as I read the quote on the cover.  “The day she discovers her wings, she knows there’ll be no stopping her.”  I like going full speed ahead!  The quote clearly related to the image of a bird let out of a cage.  I wanted to purchase this journal.  I felt it was mine!  But then I looked at the back cover, at the bottom, where there was a continuation of the quote in the same handwriting….”It is here where she must begin to tell her story.”  YIKES!!  I put the journal back instantly and walked away.  I heard my name called over the loud speaker.  My friends thought I was lost!

On the way out of the mall, Suzi pulled a journal out of her bag.  “Here, I bought this for you!  It seemed to have your name on it”,  she said as she handed me the journal.  Oh my gosh!  It was the same journal!  I received it.  It was a gift.  I knew God had spoken in that moment!  “It is here where she must begin to tell her story.”

I want to close with this quote I wrote in a journal 10 years ago. I knew exactly which journal and where on the page I had written it.  (Apparently it was a “moment”).  The quote is from the book  “The Good Women of China” by Xinran.  Old Chang says to her, “Xinran, you should write this down….If you don’t write these stories down, your heart will be filled up and broken by them.”  As writing a book became possible for her she said, ” It was as if a pen had grown in my heart.”

nk